I’m tired of being sad or apathetic all of the time, and I mean sad in the simplest sense of the word. Something (or things) is upsetting me, and I currently seem to lack the capability to pinpoint just what exactly it is. I feel as though I’m stagnant and need to move forward, but I also feel as though I’m moving too quickly and need to slow down a little, but only a little. I feel as though I’m always waiting—to turn eighteen, to get enough experience so I can increase my chances of landing a higher paying job, for my acceptance (or rejection) letters, for you, for you to get your shit together, for certain assignments to be done and over with, to graduate, for us to be in a better place, for my mother to somehow be healthy again, and simply for the better days to come. I feel tired of every day life as of late and I’m yearning for something more. It’s as if I’m stuck in a conversation full of small talk and I’m unable to change the subject. I’m happy, but I’m not. There are so many reasons why I should be, yet so many reasons that would justify my unhappiness. Contentment comes and goes, as does stress, and along with those do tears, occasionally. I generally have a hard time discussing my emotions, and so I resort to bottling it all in, but I really shouldn’t, because I’m going to crack, and when I do, it’s not going to be pretty.
The Perks of Being Holly
It may not make sense to you, but that's okay because it makes sense to me.
